New Zealand, not Tom Zealand

Happy Christmas, Hannukah and or Kwanzaa to all the boys and girls reading the musings of Harrogate's favourite tiny eyed traveller.

I trust all readers are overfed and financially ruined following the festive break. Not being home for Christmas has been interesting and only slightly lonely. There are a few key factors that I can't help but think about. How was Major Tom's on Christmas Eve? Where did everybody go after MT's as Rehab is now shut? If I had been home, would I have ruined Christmas day again by being so hungover I had to chun before eating? There's also the fact I've not had a festive bake or festive dippers from McDonald's and quite frankly an outrage on both parts.

So New Zealand, walking through the airport I got to live out a life long ambition and became part of the hit TV show Border Patrol (I'm fairly certain). The couple in front of me from Guangzhou had decided to ignore all legislation and brought what looked to be 5kg of dried prawns although that was never clarified.

For the first time on my trip I got to see a familiar face when stepping off the plane. The man, the myth, the legend that is C-Breezy (Chris Barlow for those not aware of his rap career). Chris has been kind enough to not only pick me up from Auckland airport, but to let me stay with him and generally make sure I enjoy the finer things NZ has to offer. Some of these fine things include Pineapple Lumps (8.8/10), Tim Tams (8.4/10), L&P (9.3/10), Potato Topped Pies (9.1/10), Hundreds & Thousands biscuit's (8.2/10) and other boring stuff like waterfalls and culture etc.

Despite what Jonny Amaku and TLC have to say,  I have continued to chase waterfalls and there is a shit tonne in NZ. I am in waterfall heaven. Whilst visiting Rainbow Falls in Kerikeri I even got to walk swim in the lake underneath. Whilst basking in the majesty of nature there was quite the commotion behind me, followed by a splash. It seems a drone that was being piloted had cut out/turned off/broken and fell in the water. Needless to say the German tourist gave us all an education in swearing in his mother tongue.

72 Hours is enough time to do China right?

I forgot to post this last Sunday and for that I will hope that you can forgive me Andrew Brownlie.

My first country almost turned into the only one, Duh duh duh... I very nearly missed my flight from Delhi to Guangzhou due to the delicious Maharajah Mac and Delhi airport's "silent announcement policy". Keeping it strictly veggie I opted to steer clear of the Chicken option at Maccas. It deserves 11/10 as veggie guy is fire

*The Mc Cruncher in Ireland gets an honorable mention.

Whilst basking in ambience of McDonald's Golden Arches it became apparent that time had runaway with me. What started out as a quick walk progressed into an jog and finally a run after catching a glimpse at the departures board. Luck however on my side, making it onto the plane with moments to spare.

The flight passed without issue and I awoke slightly jetlagged, slightly stinky Englishman in China.

To boost tourism and otherwise increase China's stranglehold on the west they allow visitors to stay for up to 72 hours for free with a visa on arrival. Anybody who has tried to stay in China longer will be aware of the pain. When discussing the Chinese interlude within my "world tour" the only option was to to seek advice from the great Tom Haverford and "Treat yo self" so I booked a 5 * hotel.

To say The Garden Hotel, Guangzhou is fancy would be fair. They had 6 restaurants including 1 revolving gourmet buffet (£65 a head no chance) 6 high end fashion retailers and 2 banks on site not to mention a full spa, 24 hour gym and not 1 but 2 different artificial waterfalls in their back garden.

Upon arrival it became clear that there was something big happening that evening. A 30ft Christmas tree dominated the lobby with all the check in desks turned into snack and beverage stations. Given the odour exuding from my body it seemed apt to bathe before pilfering all the food and drink possible.

After a brief trip to freshen up I jumped in the elevator to head out and ended up gate-crashing the KPMG Guangzhou/Macau Christmas party! 8 glasses of champagne and 2 new Chinese friends acquired it was time to go and see the city. Guangzhou feels ike a hybrid of Manchester and London, but much cleaner and nicer than either of our fair cities.

Taking the time to walk around and get lost in a city is always fun in Guangzhou it was business as usual. Before arriving I was aware that I wouldn't be able to use any of my many Google products due to China's ongoing disagreement with the tech giant. As a result I had  to rely on Bing maps. Sadly Bing didn't live up to my expectations and failed dramatically when trying to direct me to an awesome bar. The bar was located inside and old bomb shelter and was quite the hip-happening place on a Friday night with live music, cocktails and craft beer. Sadly I was soon to find out that nothing stays around for long in Guangzhou and the bar had been replaced with what I shall call a gaming hall. Filled with about 400 computer's and kids playing clash of ponies or whatever the kids are into these days.

With my tail firmly between my legs I walked back from the nerd layer in need of a drink and some food. Through the magic of Google translate (offline) and the power of chance I found a 7/11 and a place for tasty noodles on my way home. Nailed it.

Day 2 arrived and I was still so sleepy I managed to stay in bed till 11:45 which didn't bode well for my busy plans. First on the agenda was visiting the one of the tallest building's in the world and the biggest in China.

After this it was a quick hop, skip and jump across to where they host the China games and their city lights festival which I missed by a day! Never mind there was easily the coolest library and museum across form each other. I even managed to find 10¥ on the floor *winning*. After wandering the city for a few hours I decided to head back to the hotel for a shower. However date threw me a slice of craft beer based serendipity hit me.

"Beer Hardcore" are a small chain of beer shops that host approx 6 taps and a healthy selection of bottles. Being in China it felt right to grab a Chinese beer and I was not disappointed by a delicious IPA. Whilst basking in the ambience of delicious beer and surveying the finer part of town in Guangzhou. I made the acquaintance of an American gent from Portland, Oregon a we immediately bonded over beer, twizzled moustache's and fixed gear bikes. The 3 common denominators in any hipster cities.

My evening consisted of a trip down Shangxiajiu pedestrian street. Well known for its traditional markets and street food. Despite not finding any deep-fried cockroaches (much to my fans dismay) I did have some banging noodles from a street vendor.

Nice and quick China was all done and dusted. Now heading out NZ where I'm hanging tough for 3 months.

Peace out

One Down

*Disclaimer alert* typos, grammatical errors or repeated photos are the result of me being too damn busy*

It's finally hit home that I'm leaving India. How time has flown, only 2 weeks I go feels like an eternity and I've covered more miles and seen more monuments/temples in the past few days than I have done for half my trip. I write this sat in Delhi airport hoping to post it before my departure at 23-45 local time for Guangzhou (China for those that cba Googling it)

Since the last update I have been to Jaipur, Agra and Delhi. This was the final leg of my Indian interlude (great pun, nailed it) and the time for reflection is upon us.

In Jaipur I climbed the "Monkey Temple" that apparently houses 10,000 monkeys (unconfirmed) to take a sick photo or two check Facebook I actually saw a baby monkey ride a pig and it was epic. Finally I crossed paths with an elephant on the street in India and my trip has been completed emotionally for me. I even sent out some postcards. Don't be offended if they don't turn up, it is India after all. People literally steal stamps from letters. I also met some pretty great people at my hostels and went on some excellent adventures all over. There was also copious amounts of old monk rum/contessa rum consumed at a very reasonable £4.32 for a 70cl.

When it came time to leave Jaipur there must have been a confidence and arrogance (difficult to believe I know) exuding from me. The universe decided that enough was enough and it was time for a bump in the road. Approx 70km from Agra our bus broke down with no indication as to when it would be fixed,what was going on or where the fuck we were. After worrying my Mother things were resolved within 2 hours making the journey 8 hours as oppose to the advertised 6. Whilst on my bus trip I made the acquaintance of a Mexican woman whom after having her heart broken by an Indian man back home, decided to come to India and snare as many Indian men as she can.

Upon arrival at the hostel I was greeted with a friendly English girl and not 1 but 2 puppies who they hostel had adopted. Now my time in Agra was limited, but anybody who knows Delhi will be aware there's not exactly loads to see apart form the Taj Mahal and a fort. Working to a schedule meant that time in Agra was precious and this meant an early morning trip to the Taj Mahal.

The Taj Mahal, what can I say about the Taj. Do not go in the morning in winter, that is what I will tell you. Visibility was at an all time low with a thick fog enveloping the whole Taj Garden's. It felt more like a bitter winter morning in Slough rather than Northern India's typical sunny climate. After waiting 2.5 hours I had to hit the road and snapped some pretty awesome pictures still. The Taj is the most expensive attraction in India (from my knowledge) at 1000 Rupees approx £11.50. The internal debate whether to go or not really was troubling and with hindsight I'm glad I did. If you are going to go, swing by in the afternoon and brave the queues.

Despite getting on the wrong bus and having to pay 200 rupees for the pleasure (I got on the a/c one vs the non a/c that I booked) the journey to Delhi was relatively tame and arrival at my friend Vijay's house happened without complication.

Vijay lives in Southern Delhi, in the self proclaimed "trendy part of town" my pale complexion was less shocking to the locals than usual which was refreshing. After meeting Vijay In Jaipur he offered to put me up I'm Delhi (after a few beers/rums) this was an offer you can't say no to simply because Indian hospitality is second to none. He really went above and beyond by taking me to see 9/13 tourist attractions in one day in Delhi on his moped and for that I am truly grateful. 7 hours on a moped however made me sore. Delhi wasn't exactly the best and I've certainly enjoyed other cities more. What we did do is visit a restaurant called Karim's. Internationally know as one of the best in Asia it did not disappoint.

After nearly missing my flight due to Delhi airport's silent announcement policy and my Maharajah Mac. I arrived safely in China at 8am local time. Hanging out at my 5* hotel taking a bath and catching up on some sleep feels well deserved.

India was excellent but I really can't see it being for everyone. It's dirty, it smells, the constant eyeing up from the people, the currency issues, the food and Delhi belly. However even with these things I will be heading back again in the future. The people are truly special and it is a magical place with some incredible beauty.

On to the next one